Jesus’ words, unfolded to me one morning during quiet time many years ago. Jesus’ words which still resonate deeply in my heart today when I don’t feel I understand His will and His way. It was an invitation, an encouragement, then and now, to trust His plan for my life even when, or maybe especially when, it doesn’t seemingly make sense to me.
“Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.” Matthew 8:22
“You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Matthew 8:26
“Do you believe I am able to do this?” Matthew 9:28
“Take courage! It is I! Don’t be afraid.” Matthew 14:27
“Come.” Matthew 14:29
“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:31
When I penned our Savior’s verses in my journal long ago, and committed every ounce of trust in myself, to Him, I had no idea where the days and years would lead.
I had no idea that though my road wouldn’t look status quo or as one would expect, I was still called to trust Jesus fully. I had no idea that my family would be broken open, and suffer loss and heartache that came barreling out of the blue. I had no idea that I would be navigating a foreign journey with my kids, full of many questions and not so many answers, as we adjust to the very real truth that their dad is gone.
“I had no idea.”
The quote which seems to be the most common thread which runs through my thoughts. I had no idea where we were headed, how we would get there, what the journey would look like, and where it would land us. No idea, whatsoever.
“I had no idea.”
I had no idea of the scope of God’s unending love, faithfulness, and provision. I do now.
I had no idea of the magnitude of God’s forgiveness when I fail and fall, and His patience when I push pass limits He’s made clear. I do now.
I had no idea of the exceedingly abundant grace that God has extended to me and continually blesses me with. I do now.
I had no idea of the community of family and friends, believers and non-believers, that God has built around us to support, encourage, carry and love us through. I do now.
For all my “I had no ideas”, however, I do have a very real idea about this: I certainly am not worthy of the grace, love, faithfulness and patience our great God bestows upon me. It is only by the blood of Christ, and God’s incredible love for his daughter that I am called worthy.
My lesson in complete trust began many years ago, all in perfect timing for where I find myself now. And, the bottom line for me is this: I don’t need to have an idea, any idea, of where I’m heading. All I need to know is that I have a Savior that I can trust fully in every day.
Life has a way of taking us to places we never thought that we’d encounter, on roads we would never choose, and I can honestly say I cannot fathom walking them apart from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. As I journey I continue to hold on to these verses:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
I will take all the “I had no ideas”, as long as I am walking with Jesus.